Fitness Ugh

TLDR: Being healthy is a constant state of yo-yo-ness and I freakin’ hate it even though I know it is important. Also, the BMI is trash.

A few years ago, three to be exact, a doctor told me that I needed to lose 20 pounds. At the time, I weighed 160lbs and while I had been happier in the 150s, I was skeptical that 140 was A-a good idea and B- attainable.

I was also highly skeptical that this weight loss would magically fix the snoring problem that had necessitated this doctor visit in the first place as I have been snoring My WHOLE LIFE, even when, -gasp- back in high school I had been rocking 135 pounds. But you know doctors, they pick the one thing (your weight) and can’t seem to look past it. This doctor, in particular, had made me pretty upset with his, yes it was a man doctor but I have this experience from women too, with his cavalier attitude.

“Just drop about 20 pounds, all your issues will probably resolve. And if they don’t, we can look into other options.”

What other options?

“Lose the weight first, then we can talk.”


Well, fine, I decided I would show him. I would starve myself down to 140, point out how unfreakinghealthy I was and that I was still snoring, and demand answers.

Except I have a weird history with food and I didn’t want to starve myself, so I started eating better and I joined a gym and I got a personal trainer and I drank a ton of water.

And… I lost some weight. I got down to 146 and plateaued. But… I had also gone down two pants sizes and I was leaner and my arms were looking mighty fine… and wow. Ok! Great! 146 is pretty good, right? (Still snorting btw)

No. The doctor was like, Well, that’s progress, but it isn’t enough to really change my prognosis that you still need to lose a few pounds.

People, The BMI is a load of horse poop.

I pointed out that I was healthy. I pointed out that I was strong.

To no avail

And then… well.. I began to slide a bit. I ate food that I missed, I missed workouts that I hated.
And the weight crept back up.

This is the untold travesty of healthy living. It is a forever thing. You can’t really ever stop once you start. and that… sucks.

So for a while I just ignored my weight and tried to stay somewhat active and eat “not like a trash panda”… and yeah the bar was pretty low but it was manageable. I thought I had hit upon a sort of balance.

But. No.
Covid and stress and no gym and no reason to not wear leggings everyday and the comfort in baking…

My weight hit a new all-time high and worse, my pants didn’t fit and you can’t even try things on in the stores right now AND you can’t just zip back to return etc because, remember, Covid.

So I decided to freaking give a crap again and try again and… I hit a good stride! I was doing cardio every day, I could feel myself getting stronger!

Enter the need for emergency eye surgery and then multiple weeks laying on the couch feeling like crap.

That’s ok, right? Dust yourself off and get back on it? But… no. The holidays. The holidays. The covid holidays.


As of today, I am back on some sort of track.

I have worked out for 13 days in a row and am making and keeping new habits.

I still need to stop eating junk food, eating my feelings, snacking because it is there or because my brain is not 100% engaged…

But progress, right?

And yes, I’m still snoring.

More about the BMI

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

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