Quandary …

In the mail today, addressed to Ella, was a religious story book.
From a religious family member.
Who KNOWS we are not a religious family. Knows beyond a shadow of a doubt because she and I have had several conversations about it.
There was no note, no card, in the envelope… just the book.
I am conflicted. On the one hand I want to be polite and say thank you. I want to honor the sweetness that someone thought of my daughter and spent the time and effort to send her something.
On the other hand, I don’t plan on letting her keep the book. She is “reading” it now, but it will probably disappear as soon as her attention wanders.
I am trying to find a way to say thank you… but also please don’t give my child religious books or toys etc in the future. I want to be polite and respectful… but also firm.
Am I being too sensitive? Should I just disappear the book and not say anything?

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

5 thoughts on “Quandary …

  1. I am just waiting for this same exact thing to happen. The religious debate is fevered in our family and some people didn't even go to Piper's bday party because of it. Michael and I spoke in depth about it and we decided that we wouldn't give Piper the book if it was presented (this was before your book issue came along). We'd say thank you but no thank you. She is to young to know that just because nice so and so family member believes such doesn't make it true. And she needs to be able to form her own opinion when she is able to form an informed opinion. Plus God sending a flood to get rid of all the people on the planet is terrifying. Who reads that to a kid? Also I think that if it was a book about Jesus so was a cool guy and asked that everyone loved one another but left out all the miracle stuff I'd let her read it. We have some Buddhist bedtime stories that we read to her that are like that. Either way prepare for her to be offended, but really she is trying to undermind you and you should be offended too. That is my opinion.


  2. I experienced this issue with Danny on several occasions. Mostly, from relatives that Danny only saw on the holidays.For me, the battleground was not worth it. It wasn't worth the stress. It wasn't worth upsetting myself or the relatives. It would create a war and make future visits and time together very uncomfortable. I didn't want to put Danny in the position of being the line in the sand between us (the parents) and the well-meaning, but equally-strong-minded relatives.You've had conversations with this person about your lack of subscription in their faith. They either don't care or don't understand. If it were me (and it has been), I would be gracious, say thank you, and leave it at that. Not every event, not every gift needs to be an excuse for a conversation.If they continue the behavior, again I say be gracious, say thank you, and leave it at that. If they press the matter (\”how is the child enjoying the book?\”), be honest and say she liked looking at the pictures. If pressed further, THEN use that as an opportunity to say something along the lines of \”while it's nice you thought of our daughter, we have chosen…\”.You can put the book aside for her until later in her life when you feel it's more appropriate or you can take it away completely. Regardless, you have the power supreme over what Ella has access to and what she doesn't.


  3. I think I am going to write a letter and just say \”Just a gentle reminder that we….\” and then offer to regift it to a Christian family who's kid will enjoy it. I hope that's not too tacky.


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