Mom Confessions

I’m going to admit it.

All of it

(or at least what I can remember right now)

Because really? People are going to judge you no matter what. Because I’m tired of not saying it. I’m tired of the quiet guilt and self doubt and loathing and shame that is, quite honestly, misplaced and stupid.

Because my baby is healthy and happy and that’s all that really matters.

Here we go.

I hate breastfeeding.

We don;t use cloth diapers… and we probably never will.

I think the idea that as a mother you just instinctively KNOW your baby so just trust yourself and all will be puppies and rainbows is a load of bullcrap.

I do tummy time.

I started sleep training at 2 months. It worked great by the way, Ella goes to bed 95% of the time with no issue at all. (and when there are issues, they are very quickly dealt with)

Ella is a no-screens baby.

But I let her listen to hard rock music.

I ate McDonald’s while pregnant. A lot of McDonald’s.

I drink coffee.

I hardly ever slept while the baby slept. I think that notion was created by people who aren’t responsible for feeding themselves or anyone else, make sure the bills are paid, the cat box is cleaned, the dishes get done, the eternal flow of laundry doesn’t get clogged….

My male life partner feeds the baby and changes diapers. I didn’t change Ella’s diaper until she was something like 4 days old.

I don’t wear my baby. The thought of wearing my baby freaks me out and makes me want to hide… from my baby.

Sometimes when Mathew gets home from work, I hand him the baby and then actually hide in the other room so she will stop staring at me… I need a few minutes of Not Being Stared At and Needed.

My baby is vaccinated and if you chose not to vaccinate your baby due to misplaced ideology then I think you are placing your kid in unnecessary risk and I don’t want you or your kid anywhere near me.

The baby never slept with us.

At 10.5 weeks the baby wasn’t even sleeping in our room anymore.

I let Ella fuss and cry sometimes.

I didn’t wait until 6 months to give her “solids”

I use her as an excuse to get out of things I don’t want to do. (Not often, but it has happened.)

Sometimes she makes me want to scream with frustration. Especially when she whines.

I’m afraid to cut her nails and I make Matthew do it.

A lot of the time, I’m bored. I’m tired of peek a boo and reading the same books and handing her the same toys over and over and over again… and she is only 4 and a half months old….

I have no idea what BPA is.

I still curse in front of the baby.

One time I let her sleep in poop because I just couldn’t bring myself to wake her up to change her even though I could hear and smell the monstrosity that she had created in her diaper.

I don’t think breast milk is magical, a cure all for everything, or liquid gold. In fact, the phrase liquid gold drives me nuts.

I think my daughter is cute… but I also think she has funny looking feet.

A lot of the time I just make it up as I go along.

And most importantly?

I think that despite all that, I’m doing a pretty bang up job at being a mom.

— sound of microphone hitting the floor —

Kaylia, Out!

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

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