What I Have Learned

So, I tried to do a web video blog thing… a vlog if you will, today but since I don’t have my computer (it is being fixed by Geek Squad, I hope) and Matthew’s computer lacks a working webcam, I had to to it with my camera and a tripod.
Which meant I have a 5 minute little vlog thing that mainly features my chin.
My chin, by the way, is not my favorite featue of myself.
So…..  here is roughly what I said in the vlog.
Things I have learned, about myself and the world, while being pregnant.

Matthew is a rock star in terms of helping me deal with stress, make me laugh, reminding me to breathe when I get upset, and generally being a great ally

Being afraid for the baby is way different than being afraid for myself. I knew this would be the case on an intellectual level, but the practicality of it was surprising. I feel really protective and this translates into my actions and my diet.

Yes, I am suffering through oatmeal and bananas for the sake of this little one. Who better be grateful….

You want what you can’t have. Sushi, lunch meat, brie, copious amounts of coffee and white wine…. I didn’t even really have them a lot ahead of time, but now that I have made the choice to not have them, I find I miss them terribly. And yes, I know, it is a choice. But it is a choice, and a sacrifice I am more than willing to make.

I have had way more chicken nuggets than I probably should. I will work on that.

Yes, I am a bit of a hypocrite. “None of that for me, I’m being healthy for my baby….. hey, let’s stop at McD’s and get some deep fried pink slime! YUM!”

My desire to be seen as big, pregnant, etc changes with the blink of an eye, First I flaunt the tummy. Then I get resentful when people say things like “you’re huge!” and try to tell me we are having twins or that our due date is way off. I just want to say: “Shut up! We have had 5 ultrasounds! My medical team isn’t comprised of idiots! And yes, I know the due date is an approximation, but your insistence that I am three months further along than I am is tiresome and annoying!’ For those of you who want to say nice things, you never know if I am in a flaunting mood or a snarky growly mood. Best bet: “You look great!” It works for everything.

I miss my mom, a lot. We aren’t estranged or anything, but we aren’t as close as I wish we were, physically or emotionally. I miss her. Communication goes two ways, I need to pick up my end a bit. Something to work on.

My best friends talk to me about the baby and also about other stuff! I love talking about the baby. But I NEED to talk about other stuff and to get passionate about other topics as well. My best friends understand this.

I want to nest. At least I sometimes I want to nest. A lot of the time I want to watch mindless TV because I know this is my last chance for a while.So really, i want to want to nest more than I actually do. I’m sure that will come in time.

So there you go. 

Also, apparently Matthew’s computer will let me pull photos off my camera, but not videos. so, i guess it was okay that the video didn’t work out. So, I guess i have also learned that I NEED my own computer back!!!!!!!

But here’s a shot of me trying ….

Happy Day!

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

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