How Not To BBQ

How hard can it be? I asked myself.
Turns out, harder than I thought.
I know I am a bit behind the curve on learning to do some things. I was 27 before I did my own taxes. I was 28 before I made my first omelet. Seriously. I still haven’t managed to cook a turkey yet.
And I have never don the BBQing.
Why would I? There has always been a dad or a boyfriend or a sister in law to do it for me.
Today was going to be the day that changed all that. There was charcoal bouquets. There was lighter fluid. 
There was a lighter, a pair of tongs, and meat. What more do you need?
Let me just pause here for a second and say that I have a college degree. I am 30 years old. My sister and helper in this venture is a 22 year old business major at the top ofher class in one of the toughest business schools in the country. We spent time as kids burning things on the ranch and watching our dad (BBQer master) cooking meat over flame.
We stacked the (new) bouquets, we put a bit of lighter fluid on them, we lit the little pyramid on fire… it flared. It died. Fail.
Ok, take two.
We restacked the charcoal, we put more lighter fluid on it (lots more). We lit it on fire. It flared, it burnt, it died. Fail
Okay… now with kindling! We added scrunched up balls of newspaper. Fail
We added tighter scrunched up balls of newspaper and even rearranged the charcoal again. You guessed it, 
We decided to wait for Eric.
Eric added cardboard, told us the charcoal looked like it might have gotten damp, emptied most of the lighter fluid on it and yet… Fail.
We decided to eat pizza.
Kristen and I went to pick up the Plan B Food… and lo and behold when we returned Eric had somehow gotten it to work. The charcoal was white, the heat was good and while eating our pizza, we slow cooked some chicken legs.
Which is awesome… but I can’t add BBQing to my list of things I can do.
At least not yet.

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

2 thoughts on “How Not To BBQ

  1. Charcoal starts nicely using a number ten can. Remove top and bottom lids. Use old style can opener (slang: church key) to make vent holes at the bottom. Half fill with charcoal. Add a bit of lighter fluid. Fill can to brim with charcoal. More lighter fluid. Place additional charcoal around base with more lighter fluid. Light top and bottom. Wait 10-15 minutes. Remove can. It's time to cook.-Peter B


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