The Abuse of Man

Here’s a story that is severely disturbing.

A 32 year old Russian woman has been arrested by Russian police in connection with the drugging and rape of 10 men.

Apparently she would invite them back to her place, drug them, utilize a rope (or rubber band depending on the source) to keep their penis’ hard, and rape them. The men would wake up at the hospital with signs of sexual assault and the narcotic still in their systems.

The woman in question Valarie K. had a fascination with spiders and horror movies which might explain her horrible proclivity to do such a thing.

Most disturbing of all though, one of the victims refused to file a police report saying that he “likes hot women.”

And that last bit is truly sick. Now, I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be free to enjoy kinky sex… and I understand the draw of some S and M, sure. But his attitude makes me think that he isn’t dealing with the fact that he was sexually abused.

Because lets be honest, he was. Even if he was planning on having consensual sex with her when he went back to her apartment, the fact is that she drugged him and used him… without his permission.

Rape is rape no matter the genders or previous intentions involved.

What makes me mad is that there is a pervasive attitude that women can’t rape men

because of biology (if he’s hard, he’s into it)
because of the power structure (how could she overpower him?)
because of the misogynistic attitude (all men want sex, can’t rape the willing)

And all three arguments are false false false

The fight to bring the female to male domestic abuse stories to light is an uphill battle. I personally know of a (very sweet) guy who was abused by his girlfriend and has trouble being accepted in domestic abuse support circles because of his gender. His problem isn’t totally unique and the problem is only exacerbated by macho idiots that refuse to admit to being victimized.

Dear Russian Man Who Won’t Admit to Being Raped,

I understand your reluctance to admit that you were powerless, helpless, and taken advantage of. Ask any other rape victim and they will tell you they felt the same way.
All I can tell you is that your lack of acceptance doesn’t make you more of a man; it makes you less of one.
Just because you were victimized, doesn’t mean you are a victim.
I hope you find the strength to deal with what happened to you.

-A Survivor

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

5 thoughts on “The Abuse of Man

  1. I remember working in a law office and seeing a number of men who were abused by their wives, girlfriends, etc. Very often the various authorities wouldn't take them seriously. It would become frustrating, especially when there were children or other relatively helpless people involved.


  2. It's a crying shame we still live in a world where people refuse to believe that this kind of thing can happen.


  3. Very thought provoking post- too bad but it is still not easy for men especially to admit that something so horrific happened to them.Especially when so many have a the victim was asking for it mentality. Glad you are bringing to light.I have a Safe Sunday meme to bring awareness to abuse (mostly child) if you have anything you would like to share.


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