One Pick Up Line To Rule Them All

I get hit on and flirted with on a semi regular basis. Before you think I am being arrogant… let me point out that the majority of my “being hit on” adventures take place while riding public transportation and the context is different from being in a night club or singles bar.

For starters, I am usually alone, I am usually one of the only females between the age of 20 and 40, I am usually dressed for work (which means anything from corporate cog skirt and such to “I don’t want to be a corporate cog” jeans and tank top), and I have a pretty basic routine. Meaning, I think that most of these instances of attention are due more to means and opportunity than actual attraction.

In other words I am not usually flattered to be receiving this attention.

I have put together a quick list of some of the best (worst) pick up lines… I did leave out the instances of actual touching and the case of simple leering because I am going more for humor with this post and less for “Lets give my grandmother a heart attack!”

So, as promised, my personal Top Ten of Horrible Pick Up Lines Received While on Public Transportation.

While reading Botany of Desire: (and telling, when asked, that it was about ‘the co evolution of plants and people”)
I bet you could help me evolve some desire.

While reading The God Delusion:
It’s so sad such a pretty girl is going to go to hell… but you know, if you want, I could bring you to my church and we could save you. (Said while looking at my chest and, I kid you not, licking his lips.)

While reading Bonk (Science of Sex)
If you ever want to do your own sort of sex research, I would volunteer.

While reading Not Without My Daughter
You must be such a caring compassionate person, would you like to go out for coffee and talk about Islam?

Off of a note that was passed up from the back of the bus:
“You are very pretty. I like your Chest. Would you like to be friends? Please check yes or no” (There were little labeled boxes.)

Wow, you somehow manage to make that ugly dress look really good.

Hey, where are you getting off? Cuz, if you need help getting off, well… I could help you out.

While reading a large hardback novel (dust jacket removed) with my hair up in a bun:

Mmm, I like the librarian look on you, but I bet you can get freaky when you want to.

While reading The Mommy Myth
So, you got kids? (I said no) That’s a shame… it looks like you have great hips for birthing.

While reading a romance novel:
I’ve always thought that girls who can read make the best lovers.
(Which elicited my deadpan response of “Yes and idiots make the best future blog posts.”)

There you have it… I would love to hear any of your all time worst Public Transportation Pick Up Lines, and in the mean time, remember there’s nothing wrong with a nod, a smile, and a classic line like “Good morning, how are you?”

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

8 thoughts on “One Pick Up Line To Rule Them All

  1. I used to work in a lesbian bar and tend to believe I have heard the best of the worst, but your collection is impressive indeed. A classic at the bar was \”Are you a nun I had in Junior High?\” but the all time favorite was: \”Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?\”we lesbians can be some direct, yes we can!


  2. Hi Kay – these are really funny. I was always way too shy to have ever offered a pick-up line, although the guy with the note had a good strategy. If he had a better copywriter, maybe things would have turned out differently.\”I think I know you,\” was the last line that worked on me. . . it was offered up on July 13, 1979 by the young lady that I have been married to for 27 years. It was only a few weeks after we met that I realized that she said that to virtually everyone. . . so if a nice 49 year-old woman sees you on the street someday and says, \”I think I know you,\” just say '\”are you mrs. kww? and you'll have another nice friend for life. I hope you have a good day and that more funny stuff happens so that you can write about it.


  3. Those made me LOL enough to never commute via public transportation on a regular basis.I've always been a fan of: \”So do you like cheesy pick-up lines, or do you just wanna do it?\”


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