There are some people in this world who have the uncanny ability to always look polished, put together, etc. (Leah, Jackie….) and despite hanging around with them, I will never have thief poise. Nope, I am destined to be the girl with lint on my jacket, printer ink on my sweater, or a random drop of chai coffee on my pants.

Sometimes though, my superior non-poise shines through in a totally awesome way… The type of thing that when recounted to Jessica earns me the sad head shake and “This stuff could only happen to you”

So in a fun trip down memory lane… Lets all remember the day (not that long ago…) when there was the old lady who I nearly killed by the power of my panties.

The other night I rushed home to shower and change in order to rush right back out for dinner. It was a warm day and even after my shower I was feeling a bit of the stress that makes for body heat so I opted for a wrap skirt and tank top. Now, allow me to point out that I am no stranger to the wrap skirt. I have several and wear them on a semi regular basis. I have even managed the wrap skirt skill of going from short version to long and vice versa while walking… A skill similar to the ability of changing tops on a bus or putting on or taking off layers with only one hand while talking on the phone and walking through traffic. Yes, sometimes my supreme ability to multitask is awe inspiring.

Anyway, I decided to wear the skirt short for the walk back to the LR and the trip to the mall where we were meeting. I figured I would transform it onto the long version once I got there.

The best laid plans….

I got to the train in time to wait for the next one and spent a few moments sunning myself in the eternal yet misguided attempt to actually tan my legs. The train arrived, I boarded, happy in the fact that I was likely to arrive early!

When we pulled into the Great Mall station, I stood up and did the patented ‘from long to short’ tug on my skirt. Except that either I pulled on the wrong bit of fabric or I had tied it incorrectly at home, because what happened is I almost lost the whole thing and in the process totally flashed a little old lady

Total flash.

She had been minding her own business (it was just the two of us in that section of the car) eating carrot sticks from a baggie and had only glanced at me as I had stood up and made the unfortunate adjustment. Now, she was staring… And laughing.

Who could blame her?

I hastily retied my skirt and was just about to get off the train when I realized she wasn’t laughing anymore… She was coughing… And turning red… And waving her arms around.

Like I said, we had been alone on the train and even though the Great Mall stop is usually one of the busiest… today there was no one getting on or getting off.

Of course I got back on the train, letting the doors whoosh shut and thumped her on the back, offered her water, and did my best to keep her alive. After all, she had seem my black lace panties… a feat denied many an aspiring date, something usually reserved for more intimate occasions and a certain amount of foreplay… both things lacking on the train on this warm afternoon. Never the less, we had bonded and I did my best to keep her from passing on.

We managed to expel the dangerous bit of carrot and despite the language barrier I am pretty sure she thanked me… either that or she begged me not to touch her lest my slutty ways be passed on.

Not sure why she was so upset, now she has a story to tell her friends.

Regardless, I got off at the next stop, managed to catch a train going the other direction, and still managed to not be horribly late.

I sauntered up to the table and greeted Jayson who told me I looked nice and would never have known about my adventure…. except that I told him.

And now I have told all of you.

There are some people in this world who have the uncanny ability to
be always polished, put together, etc.

Some of us just fake it.

Published by kayliametcalfe

Queer,loudmouth,skeptical-agnostic-pagan,book addict,coffee lover,wine drinker, SAHM,writer,editor,producer,podcaster. -She/her

7 thoughts on “Flash!

  1. Oh you must be fun to hang out with!Be proud of your lack of \”put-togetherness\”… when\’s the last time a matching clutch and pair of shoes ever saved a life?I wonder if the train station cameras happened to be working…Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!


  2. LOL that reminded me of when I was about 11 years old and just started senior school. I felt ever so smart in my uniform – Navy pleated skirt,jumper, white shirt and tie all worn under a Navy Gaberdine raincoat. I was walking down the school drive on my first day and next thing I know my skirt is round my ankles – the button had come off and the zip rolled down! Oh the shame! I was covered up by my raincoat but had to undo it to fasten my skirt up again!


  3. Hee Hee!I feel so special even hearing about your black lace undies episode!Hahaha- this tale deserves a new nickname for you.Chonie Chocker!Bwahahahaha!-stacky


  4. lol….thanks for sharing that. Do you really want to be the 'perfect' person??…..that would be so boring. I like the bit of curry sauce on my shoes, and the tie with a spot of kiwi & orange youghatBet you felt like letting the earth swallow you up, but at least you can laugh about it now.I remember in a pub in london, there was an extremely attractive lass who was walking around blissfully unaware that everyone was laughing at the big piece of loo roll trailing from the back of her skirt, that happened to be tucked into her knickers. I told her friend to tell her. Now that was embarassing for her.


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